Do you ever listen?  I mean really listen.

There is a little known secret to business and life that has been taught to us during infancy: listening.

Listening is fundamental to understanding and it is crucial in business.  It is the key to understanding what other people want and need; therefore, listening should be part of anyone’s business process and life.

You simply cannot persuade others without understanding their needs and wants.  And you cannot persuade others if they perceive that you care more about yourself and business than them.

Yet many people are not very good at listening to others.  I think that is the root of failures in life and business, specifically in failed closes involving sales.

Not listening – a surefire way to failure

Listening is NOT waiting for the other person to finish talking to you so you can say what you need to say.

Have you ever sat in front of someone who kept checking their phone or kept looking away from you while you were talking?  Clearly, that person was not listening to you.  It’s frustrating and rude when people don’t listen.

Every time you take your attention away from the person in front of you, you disconnect and disengage from them, which results in invaliding the other person’s effort to communicate.

If you are hearing their voice but are focused on yourself, thinking about what you are going to say next or concentrating on how you look, then you are not listening.

How to develop your listening skill

1. Turn off all self-monologues and just pay attention.
2. Remind yourself that it’s okay to not know everything.  You will actually come across as more authentic if you don’t act as if you know everything.
3. Sometimes, silence is best.
4. Not every communication requires an answer, but you can use an acknowledgement to indicate to the other person that you are listening. Phrases such as “I hear you”, “go on”, or “of course” are useful listening tools.
5. Asking questions will encourage more conversation.
6. Don’t try to impress the other person.  If that’s your intention, your internal instinct will be to overdo it for the sake of impressing them, and you will forget to listen.
7. Decide if you are more important than the other person and if what you have to say is more important than what they have to say.
8. Forget about your ego.  It may get in the way of your ability to listen.  Humility will enhance your listening skill.

Why listening is important

Listening and processing the other person’s communication will lead to a deeper understanding for both parties.

Did you know that people’s number one desire is to be listened to and admired?  If you just listen and admire people, you will achieve unprecedented success both in life and in business.

Resolutions or Goals?

The problem with New Year’s Resolution is that it seldom stick. Why?

My guess is because resolutions are easy to make and requires very little thinking, planning or commitment.  And the byproduct of this haphazard activity is failure.  According to a study, 88% of those who set New Years Resolution fail by the end of the first  month, even though they were confident of success at the beginning.

Failures within the first month of the new year is the path to more failures -  just like the previous year, and the year before that.

You can change that this year.

How to break free of the New Year’s Resolution trap

Here’s a little secret I found out years ago: the general population makes New Year’s resolution while successful people make plans.

“If you don’t know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else.” – Laurence Peter

If you aim for success in 2013 – consider working on the following:

Dreams List

What is your dream or dreams?  Your vision on how your life should be or looks like?

Make a list of anything you think you’d like to be, do or have. Don’t censor yourself.  The list should have  dozens of entries or more. You might not complete the list in one day so give yourself permission to go back and add some more as you wish.

Note on Dreams & Goals: Some people writes their goals first without creating their dream list.  There’s nothing wrong with that-but hear me out. You are busy and you have limited time and energy – we all do.  So don’t waste your precious time and energy achieving goals that will not create the sense of accomplishment and satisfaction that will give real meaning to your life.  Your dreams list will help you align your goals with what you value the most.

Goals List

Goals are your long-term objectives and results that align with your dreams and values; the specific results you want to achieve this year or in the next twelve months. You could make it a five year goal or whatever the time frame that suits you.

Strategies

The only way you are going to achieve your  goals & dreams is to have an action plan or plans.  Let’s call this your strategy  – your plan of attack – how you are going to make your dreams and goals happen.  You can also call it your objectives – your tactical action plan or execution plan.

You get the idea.

For example: if your dream is to travel the world, your goal would be: to have enough income to support that dream (it’s good to put a figure on it). Maybe you have some debts and no savings.  So one of your goal might be to pay off your debts, increase your savings and investments.   And in order to have enough income to live the lifestyle you choose, pay off your debts and set some money aside for your dream, your action plan might include: getting another job, spending less, or getting a promotion.

Do you see how these things flow? A well laid out plan is your path to success.

It requires putting your thinking cap on, and charting your coarse towards your dreams – one step at a time.

Activities

For your strategies or action plan(s) to work; it requires implementation.  This is the list of actions you need to do on a weekly or daily basis in order to complete a certain plan or project. This is crucial.  If you don’t do this, the busyness of life takes over and put your dreams and goals underground.

Adding activities that forward your goals on  your daily list of things to do will not only help you keep your eye on the mountain (dreams and goals) but will allow you to slowly make progress towards that goal.

So what are your goals for 2013?

Did you find this helpful?  Like it and share, your friend will love you.

I refuse to participate to yet another Christmas madness; I am going on diet.

• I am turning off my ears to all Christmas promotions, madness sales, and all other activities that require me to run around.
• I will not use my credit card to buy any gifts.
• I will only consume food that I can enjoy; made by hand with love; using the purest of ingredients.
• I will only attend up to 3 Christmas network/party: those that enhance my life, business and those that make me happy personally.
• I will not buy any gifts for people; instead I will give them hugs, smile, and appreciation.
• I will allow 30 minutes of social media per day to catch up with my true friends; business associates who support me; and those that are in need.
• I will bake 2 batch of my favourite cookies, and not eat it all myself; but share it with friends and families as gifts.
• I will complete all my incomplete projects before the end of December and ship them.
• I will FREE up 2 hours per day to catch up with my reading, watch movies with friends or families, or sing Christmas carols.
• I will not spend more than I have. But will share whatever I have with those who truly need it.
• I will not expect material gifts from anyone but will welcome a smile, a hug or a love note the old fashion way.
• I will say no to the latest gadget or to the latest whatever…

Christmas Weight Loss Help

And I will continue my really simple weight loss diet:

• Drink a glass of warm water with lemon in the morning before eating anything else.
• Eat more often but eat less.
• Drink water (not soda) before going to a party.
• Don’t eat until I am full – but eat until I am no longer hungry.
• If  and when I over-indulged the previous day/night, boil some leeks and supplant my meal(s) with it; drink the leek water.
• Eat plain  yogurt if and when I feel like snacking at night.

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A beautiful website for naturalist. Sell products or convert it into an affiliate marketing website.

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When I decided to attend Blissdom Canada conference this year, I had 3 goals in mind which were:

1. Observe

2. Network

3. Learn

I am happy to say I’ve accomplished all three.

Now the details…

My observations at Blissdom conference

From the time I signed up to the night before the conference, both Twitter and Facebook  were buzzing with the #BlissdomCA trends – impressive.  There were excitements, questions, confusions, anxieties (mostly from newbies like me) and uncertainties.  Questions were being fired and answered several times because others had  missed it.  Of course others found some of the questions redundant but it was hard not to missed anything.  We are busy moms after all.

I wish there was a forum where KEY QUESTIONS were posted and answered to make it easy for us newbies.   For out going, go-getter kind of people, this is probably not an issue but for moms who have not been “out” for a while; going to another city to meet a whole bunch of strangers without knowing what to expect is really daunting and scary.  It’s the equivalent of “zombies” for mommies.

One of the highlights for me was the Marilyn Denis show.  I got there on time and met some wonderful ladies while in line.  Then had lunch with some of them which gave us a chance to know more about each other.  I saw and felt the passions for what they do in their eyes.    That alone inspired me. Then everyone had to go back to their rooms and I was left on my own.

Luckily I spotted @kellywilli  with the #Blissdom tag on, so I connected with her and we went together to the kick off party. Otherwise, I would have gone there by myself.  I could not access any social network on my phone and I was hoping I could use my ipad, but Sheraton didn’t have a wifi in the lobby, so I didn’t see several posts from fellow newbies looking for someone to go with.

I wish there was someone from Blissdom at the Sheraton to welcome newbies and direct lost souls….

The most interesting observation I’ve made was how our advance technology prevents us from networking in the real world.  Lisa Lannin pointed this out during our lunch.

Everywhere I went; people couldn’t stop checking and making updates on their phones.  I was glad my phone plan didn’t include social media and I hope I didn’t ignore the people in front of me.

Networking at Blissdom

Someone said that Blissdom conference was like “speed dating”.  I agree.  And like speed dating – it might not produce the results you wanted.   This doesn’t mean I didn’t get to really network with people – I did.  I think I’ve connected with some interesting people but not by passing out my business cards or briefly having a chat with someone or chatting with them on social networks.  I valued the intimate moments I had with some of the  most interesting women bloggers at Blissdom.  I listened and they listened.  I’ve checked their blogs and I hope they did the same.

I think networking and relationship building are time wasters  if there is no effort to reciprocate from both parties.

There were influencers at Blissdom and clearly, bloggers clamour to connect with them in the hope of getting noticed.   If you are not an influencer or famous on social networks with tons of followers; there is very little attention left for you.  So one can feel left out.  I was looking for a big sign that says “if you are an  unknown blogger – hang out here” but found no such thing.  I would have been happy to chill with these lonely people.  From the feedback I’ve read, there were many who were feeling a bit left out which got me thinking… is following influencers (who  might not reciprocate the attention) really productive and beneficial?

What I learned at Blissdom

Being new to Blissdom, I didn’t know what community leaders were. I thought they were people who will lead us and show us what to do and where to go.   Then I found out they were the one delivering these micro-sessions.  Okay – good so far.  Then I started to panic and felt overwhelmed.  I was sitting at the wrong table!  I would have paid good money for someone to stand up and tell me what to do at that moment.

By the time I figured out what was going on, the table I wanted to be at was full.  Luckily my second choice wasn’t.  By the time I was getting the hang of it – it was time for lunch.

Despite all, I managed to learn some valuable tips from Shelagh Cummins of Mombiz.  I thought I had this elevator pitch down pat but when she asked me for it, it came out so jumbled I couldn’t even understand it myself! “What the F$#@ was I talking about? ” Was the phrase that kept playing in my head throughout the day.

While I don’t yet consider myself a “writer”,  Ann Douglas inspired me to be one.  I’ve been meaning to meet her in person and I thank Blissdom for making this happen.   I wasn’t ready to make a”pitch” anytime soon but I thought I’d check out the PR session anyway.  Glad I did.  Alison Burke and her associate who’s name escaped me at the moment (it’s not on the microssion list) dazzled me with possibilities.

The afternoon was a blur to me.  I became brain dead midway through the conference  – too much information going in and nothing was going out.  At least the micro-sessions allowed for discussion which helped me process the information and making it useful for me.    The speeches I thought were more self-promotional than inspirational.  The techie stuff was not new to me but I am sure it was new news for the majority in the room.

I did however learn something new from Jian Ghomeshi.  Not from what he said but how he presented himself.  He was funny, relevant and really connected with his audience.  THAT to me is something to aspire for.  I didn’t know of him before Blissdom but he was so smooth I just had to listen to him again on Q.

My overall take…

I think it’s a wonderful conference but I think one would need to attend several times to get to know the process, the program and figure out how it can benefit you.  Otherwise, it’s a jungle.   The Blissdom chicks are working hard to improve the conference every year and that’s a good thing.  So if any Blissdom chicks are listening, please give me more opportunity to learn in a smaller group setting.

The “fun stuff’” are awesome!  But it’s not for everyone.  As Susan Cain said – some people just want to chill with a cup of coffee (or wine) and enjoy someone’s company (without the loud music).  That would be a bliss for me, even though I consider myself  an extrovert.

I could see that many bloggers went to Blissdom with results in mind; to further their business.  Some went there just for the experience and the fun of it. Whatever your purpose is, it’s best to know what you want to get out of the conference and create your own agenda.

My biggest regret was: I wish I had a chance to ask bloggers who were using blogspot.ca for their blogs , how they intend on “branding” themselves and further their business or hobby if they don’t own their domain name.  What would they do if Blogspot decided to close down?  The way I see it; having a blog, growing your readership and content on someone else property is dangerous and unpredictable.  The more I visited fellow bloggers blogs, the more concern I got.   I don’t know if they realized they could lose everything they worked hard for.

I guess that question is for next year’s Blissdom.

My Blissdom Blogroll

As I mentioned, I’ve been reading blogs by fellow Blissdom attendees and will be adding them here as I go through the list:)

1. 80Twenty – the balance between good and good for you. An awesome food blog.

2. Emma & the Elements – the emma series books. I’ve got the book and midway through it.

3. Weewelcom – a resource for parents.

4. Mommyisweird – well, that says it all.  You’ll find that she is fabulous. Only her kids thinks she is weird.

5. JulieNowell – a blog of mom who is trying to change the world.

6. Highly Irritable - well not really….

When my daughter informed me about a bullied teen who killed herself named Amanda Todd, my heart broke.  I don’t even want to watch her video; it’s too depressing.  Her sad images were enough to send the message that she needed help.

It seems like teen suicide is rampant these days and it doesn’t make any sense.  This incident bugged me for days and the more I read about it, the angrier I got, because nothing made any sense. Nothing.

Have we become a society that doesn’t care anymore?

What happened to courage and humanity?

I know she had courage. She made attempts to deal with her bullies.  Her last attempt was her video.

But what about the people around her?  The people who watched the video, the kids at school? The teachers? The police?  Child anti-exploitation group claim they “alerted” police to Amanda’s cyber bullying last year? Did they do something?

I echo Ms. Parry Aftab’s sentiments when  she was interviewed by CBCNEWS; why didn’t the people helped her when they heard her cry for help?

The fact that she posted her video one month before she killed herself (and viewed by many) pose a lot of unanswered questions.  Such as; what was going through the mind of the people who watched it?  Did they not care? How come no one did anything effective?

Maybe they did or someone did.  But it’s hard to know…

I am not new to bullying.

My second son was bullied at school started when he was 4 years old.  My subsequent meetings with his teacher didn’t result to anything.  Until one day, my oldest son got tired of picking up  his younger brother’s bag from the dumpster and pulverized the bully.  Of course he followed the “rules” before that – which was to “ignore & report” the bully.  I told the police that I stand behind my son’s action 100%.  I taught him to be respectful and have tolerance for stupidty but to protect his younger brother if needed and not be afraid to fight back. And he did.

The bully stopped and the school yard became free of bullies.

When the oldest son went to high school while the younger one stayed in middle school, the bullying started again.  He was bullied at school and outside of school on his way  home.  He was thrown into the creek several times which petrified me every single day.   The teachers couldn’t do anything since the bullying occurred in the school yard and outside of school premises. The cops said their hands were tied unless I press charges. So I went  to my son’s  school and demanded I speak to the bully’s parents before I go ahead and pressed charges.

The bully’s parents didn’t meet with me, but surprisingly, the bullying stopped.

The fact is, in Amanda’s case,  there were many opportunities for the people in her circle, her community, her school and even the authorities to have done something.

It takes courage to stand up and do something and that’s what we must demonstrate so our kids will see it and follow.

I was encourage when I read an article about another victim of bullying who was also courageous and was able to fight back in his own way.

Which makes me wonder if Amanda hadn’t been taking anti-depressant drugs ; known to produced suicidal thoughts, would she have continued on the fight?  I think she would have.  She was a fighter.  I think she would have survived this bullying episode if these mind altering drugs weren’t in the picture and if the people around her, her communities, and authorities  had more courage to help her stand up and fight the bullies.

“The prize of freedom is constant alertness and the willingness to fight back. There is no other prize”. L. Ron. Hubbard

Lesson learned. Let’s do something about it.

It’s not enough to increased awareness. Let’s take action.

• Let us face the problem head on by being alert to what our kids are doing online and offline. Talk to them daily and watch for changes in their behaviour.
• Demand actions from school administrators and authorities.
• Have discussions with these bullies and their parents and work together to solve the problem.  I don’t believe these bullies were born that way.  We need to re-adjust their way of thinking before they become adults.
• Don’t be afraid to expose the bullies. Name them and take their power away from them. Say it loud – “you are a bully!” It’s part of confronting the problem.  But be ready to forgive when they changed and announce it publicly that they are no longer bullies.
• Be the agent of change.

Bullying is a social problem that can be solved if like minded people work together on a shoulder to should effort and do something about it.  Not just talk about it but DO something about it.

How about it?

Let your voice be heard loud and clear! Enough is enough!

It sucks!  Was the first word that came out of my mouth after a deal that I was trying to get didn’t go through.  I really wanted the deal to go through and thought the opportunity was really good.

But like the saying goes “there’s a reason for everything”, it might be a good thing. Not that I believe in it,  it only  reminded me that regrets and feeling down are pointless.  There ‘s no room in your life to hang on to the “what if” and  “what should have been”.  If something doesn’t go through and you feel you’ve done everything you could, then there’s nothing more you can do – move on to the next.   Focus on another adventure.  The world is full of opportunities.

Now I am looking forward to the next opportunity…

Should I jump in on an opportunity?

At 44, should I take risks?

I am happy where I am.  I am contented.  But I know I can do more – much more.   And the more I think about it, the more excited I get; then the doubts and fear set in.

Then I read this quote:

“Why not go out on a limb?  Isn’t that where the fruit is?”  ~Frank Scully

The opportunity I am about to take involves risks, both known and unknown.  However, I know that if I don’t take this chance, I will forever wonder what would have happen if I had taken the risks.

To help dispel some of the fear and doubts I felt; I sat down and wrote what is called “Doubt Condition”.  I use this formula when there is uncertainty in my universe; whether it’s work related or relationship. It helps me work out the pros and cons; and whether or not the given action or activity will enhance my life and those that matters to me.

After doing the exercise, I’ve decided to jump in on this opportunity.

What’s the opportunity?

It involves moving from where I am.  Uprooting my kid from her school. Longer commute time for my sons and husband, higher mortgage payment.

On the plus side, it will be a bigger place, possibly a Bed and Breakfast – an income producing activity, fresh air, a chance to create an awesome garden (which could turn into a business) and produce our own organic food.

I will tell you more about it once I finalized a few things and will be updating you on my progress.

How To Get Hired Or Not Get Hired

The unemployment rate in both Canada and the US has been climbing the stratosphere since last year and there is no stopping.

So I figured hiring a part-time VA will be relatively easy.   Wrong.  Although my inbox was flooded with inquiries, CVs and resumes, only a handful showed any promise.  All in all, I received exactly sixty seven responses to my online job posting.

I Was Disappointed

Fifty percent of the respondent didn’t even bother to say hello – just a blurb that said  “see attached resume”.  Do you think I would waste my time reading their resume?  No. My immediate impression is this person didn’t care enough or too lazy. Who wants to employ such person?

Forty five percent sent me a form e-mail that started with “Dear sir/madam”. You know, the kind you normally send to a government agency.  Add to that their glowing credentials and accomplishments but none of them referred to the skills I was looking for.

My ad specified that I needed someone skilled in wordpress, e-mail marketing and social media; yet only five of the respondents indicated they are familiar with these business tools.    When I googled their names, only two have online profiles; one has a twitter account that was locked from public viewing. A secret profile I suppose.

How To Improve Your Chances Of Getting A Job

1. Create an online profile.   In today’s world, if you don’t have an online profile, your chances of getting a job is limited.  This is more important if the job you are applying for has anything to do with the internet, such as Virtual Assistant.   So get your head off the sandbox and be social. Improve your chances of getting a job with an online profile.  You know they are going to look you up online so you might as well add your social media handles in your cover letter.

2. Skip the form letter and be yourself – get real (authentic).  A real person would normally use greetings in their e-mail; check their spellings, and use capital letters at the beginning of a sentence. Basic skills.   And unless you are applying for a government position, don’t be so rigid as to use the proverbial  “To whom it may concern” greeting.   “Dear Hiring Manager” is professional and acceptable greeting.  The person reading your application or e-mail is a human and while you might not know their job title, you can safely assume they are wearing the hat of a Hiring Manager.

3.  Update Your Resume.  Blindly sending your resume without updating it to show its relevance to the job you are applying for is lazy.  Revising your resume and tailoring it to the particular job will help you get noticed.

4. Be relevant.  Unless you are qualified, don’t waste your time (and theirs) sending your resume if you don’t have the skills necessary to perform the job. My ad  specified that I needed someone proficient in wordpress and social media. WordPress is a specific business tool that requires time and money to learn. You can’t learn it on the job. You might have over 15 years of administrative experience; teachable etc., but do you know wordpress?  Being proficient in accounting will not help an employer looking for someone to manage their social media.

5.  Show – not tell.   Several respondents said they have experience in social media; however,  I couldn’t find their online profiles anywhere.  They didn’t exist online.   Why not impress your potential employer with your results and make it easy for them to hire you.  Don’t wait for them to ask for samples of your work or portfolio.

6. Don’t be needy.  Okay, so you need a job and you needed it yesterday.  But don’t appear to beg.  No one would hire someone desperate.  It’s a turn off.  Your future employer doesn’t need to know your life situations in a job application.

Just for good measures, here’s a letter I like:

Hiring Manager,

Thank you for taking the time to review my application for the position of Virtual Assistant. 

I am currently assisting other companies part-time in a virtual assistance role, managing such tasks as online marketing (facebook, twitter, youtube), WordPress design and maintenance, SEO and SEM, as well as other administrative tasks. You can view my online portfolio and resume, including feedback scores, via XXXXX.  I am available Monday to Friday and some weekends. I am reliable, trustworthy and versatile, enabling me to fill a number of different roles.

I look forward to discussing the position in greater detail soon.

With best regards,

Ask people if they have good communication skills and almost always they would say YES!

Yet, the majority of time,  in my conversations with people,   I have discovered their communication level to be less than acceptable .

The other day, I sent someone an e-mail asking him to look over the attached images and tell me which one he likes the best.  He responded  “it’s great!”

Huh?

I re-read my e-mail again to see if I somehow miscommunicated my request.  It was clear and simple; “which one do you like the best”.  Therefore, his answer was irrelevant at best.

In my experience, whenever I didn’t close a sale, I knew instinctively that my communication was off. Either I talked too much and didn’t listen to the person in front of me or I tried too hard to “sell” instead of just listening and paying attention to “their” need.

Good communication isn’t just about diction, pronunciation or the ability to speak. While these are important and should be a standard part of your everyday work life, it is the ability to  listen that will move you to professional status.

Here’s the truth, nobody cares about you or your products except you.  No matter how good you are, no one gives a shit about it; only you.  I know it hurts!  But let’s face it, people love themselves, not you.   That is why they love to talk about themselves.

Your success depends upon fully  understanding that their need are much more important than yours; that they are the ones that matters.

Tips To Remember
1. When you interject or interrupt someone, you are being disrespectful.
2. When you look bored in front of someone, you are being disrespectful.
3. Every time you glance at your phone instead of listening, you are being disrespectful.  Or worst, answer your phone while talking to someone as if the caller is more important than the person in front of you (without excusing yourself).
4. Not acknowledging communication (this is big) is also disrespectful.

I use the word “disrespectful” more than once to make a point. When you correlate these actions to being “disrespectful”,  you will more likely remember to avoid making these mistakes.